If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize