Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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