i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.