My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself