i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.