fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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