The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
