Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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