If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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