the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
