I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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