Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
