I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
