Moan for me like Helen Keller
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
