I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just gargled with NyQuil
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
