I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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