Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
