News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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