i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
