You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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