1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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