I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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