okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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