Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
