When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Even my vagina gasped.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
