I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
