It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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