i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Can i not drive my cunt home
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
