it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
