god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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