I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
