Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
