I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
oh god the rape fog is back!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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