my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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