The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
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As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
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Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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