Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
