Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
