The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
