Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
