I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
