God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Randomize
