"it" just moved
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
