We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
