Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
