We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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