Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So squirting runs in the family.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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