Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
