Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize