a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
