i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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