the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
