Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
