I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
