just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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