my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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