I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
