I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
