return my video game
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize