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i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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