dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
