Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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