well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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