my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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