Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Sober January is a disaster.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
