I got chris browned last night
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
