it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
